There has been a big change since I last wrote which is that I am now once again a full time student! Which means you can probably expect more blog posts as I find new ways to procrastinate.
This time last year I was deeply, deeply unhappy in my job and had been for ages, so after getting increasingly overwraught I decided it just wasn't worth it and handed in my notice. My only regret is not doing it sooner - if I'd known how easy it would be I would have done it so much sooner! I temped, which I've never done before but it was perfect for paying the mortgage without having to commit while I worked out what to do. I've always wished my degree (Early Childhood Studies) had been a psychology degree, so decided to throw caution to the wind and apply for conversions.
Living in Bristol means an excellent University on my doorstep who luckily offer an Msc course which will give my the accreditation I need to do any further study or training towards becoming a psychologist (by no means a certain plan, but I definitely couldn't do it if I didn't have the accreditation).
So I'm now in my third week and starting to find my feet a little. Gosh it's harder than I thought though! Not the work itself (though my concentration span does seem to have decreased to that of a goldfish), more adjusting to being a student again 8 years after graduating. There are definite benefits - seeing all the freshers with their carrier bags full of Argos toasters gave me such a feeling of relief that this time round that isn't me! I don't have to go through any of the palava of trying to become an independent person or work out who I am. I'm not trying to build a life because I have one already, and going back to University is just a small part of it. Having said that though, some things are much, much harder. Being a bit of a self-doubter (ahem, understatement...) I have a weekly crisis of confidence where I question everything, my decisions, my abilities, my motivation... Before reminding myself that the only way I will know if I can do it is to give it a try. I never questioned why I did a degree. Having gone to quite a middle-class comprehensive, it was just what people DID. But making a conscious choice to go back in my thirties is so different - exciting and terrifying in equal measure.
Mainly I just keep reminding myself that a large part of doing it is that I was so very bored and needed more challenge, so if it was easy I wouldn't be getting what I need from it. It's supposed to be hard. And then I watch 'Love Story' and get excited about wandering around campus in preppy autumn fashions.
I had planned to write more about the positive things of being a student again, because in truth I am really enjoying it, but I should actually do some studying. I have a neuroscience test on Monday. Neuroscience! Lordy. Another day.